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I try not to be a snob about music (though some would say that’s exactly what I am), but I can’t help but feel guilty about supporting certain artists.

A list of guilty pleasures implies that liking any kind of music is something worth feeling guilty about, when really, you should listen to whatever you like and tell anyone who would judge you to fuck off. Nonetheless, there are some songs that I can’t help but feel guilty about, not so much because of some vain attempt to maintain indie cred, but because I don’t like having to support the mainstream pop recording industry. Most of what they do falls more under the category of “entertainment cash-grab” than “art.”

But every once in a while, in the process of grabbing for teenagers’ cash, these pop machines make a really really good song. That’s what this list is about. Also, by the way, this list was by far the most fun to make.

The Teeny-Boppers, Grown Up
The pop music landscape in the late 90s was bleak. Boy bands and blonde teen beauties ruled the day, and what passed for rock music were Rob Thomas and Creed. Carlos Santana somehow snuck in there as well. After the prominence of actual good bands in the early and mid 90s, the late decade made me want to cry. I pretty much gave up on pop music around 1998, so I’m not sure the situation’s much better overall.

It delights me, though, that three of the biggest representations of all that was unholy about music in the late 90s made three of the best songs of the Naughties. That’s right. I said it.

Attack of the 2nd Derivatives!
Do you remember where you were when you first heard the Strokes or Interpol and you wondered whether you were listening to a current band or one from the 70s? Well I do. I also remember about a year after that when every new band was called “The [insert one-syllable noun]” and also curiously sounded like the 70s. The derivative of a derivative, according to the interwebs, is called a 2nd derivative. So that’s what the Vines, the Hives, the Killers, Louis XIV, and even JET kind of were.

But here I go again, pouring on the hate-erade. My point is, as much as I resented such bands for turning a good thing bad, I just can’t not like a really catchy tune like “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” or “Hate To Say I Told You So,” which apparently Budweiser and Spider Man thought also.

Just Plain Wacky
No real explanation needed for these delightfully bizarre tracks: “I Believe In This Thing Called Love,” “Bossy,” and “Gay Bar,” which is better appreciated with its equally strange video:

The Rest
Usher doesn’t really fit in any category, but I feel extremely guilty listening to this one. Not so with Kelly Clarkson. “Since U Been Gone” is a power-poppy masterpiece. I’m kind of excited about Lady Gaga. Kind of really excited. But nothing excites me like…

The Best
Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head.” Nuff said.